Friday, May 13, 2011

Why Can't I Write Erotica?

Please check out my new site--thanks!
Spank me, pull my hair, make me call you Daddy!

I like titillating stuff as much as the next girl. If I write it, it makes me squirm, and not in the good way. The dirtiest thing I ever came up with was (insert deep throaty whisper here), “kittttty litttter.” I once wore an apron to the pleasure palace, and arrived armed with a spatula. It made him ravenous. Seriously, not only was it apparently not sexy that I showed up in the boudoir looking like I was ready to pull buns from the oven, he didn’t even notice other than the fact that it reminded him he was hungry. He does pretend he can’t hear me and always asks me to repeat myself when, “I have to caulk the shower.”

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Kitchen Shrink!

NEW! The Kitchen Shrink, A Novel…
If your life╩╝s a mess, your house could probably use a makeover, too! The Kitchen Shrink, a new novel featuring the humor, vulnerability, honesty and flaws of a suburban heroine…Welcome to the behind-the-scenes world of reality TV in The Kitchen Shrink.  

Enter The Kitchen Shrink Giveaway:
-Amazon Kindle eGift of The Kitchen Shrink
-Invisible The Kitchen Shrink Bookmark!
-Domestic Diva Clean-Up Gloves
-Five-In-One Hammer/Screwdriver Tool
-1.5” Perdy Paintbrush
-Groovy Toolbox!

To Enter: Please head over to my new website, and leave a comment! The winner will be chose at random by my dog, Leo, on May 23, 2011.  

Friday, April 22, 2011

For Those Who Celebrate...

For those who celebrate...Happy Easter! For those who don't, (my friend's son, Jake) No, the Easter Bunny is not Jesus' dad.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Read My Lipstick...

Pucker up! I can ID my friends' lip prints!
Red clay and rust were the first order of business used to tint the lips of ancient ladies. Cleopatra wore crushed carmine beetles (with ants!)... I can just picture her commanding Caesar, “Kiss me, you fool!” 

Enterprising ingenues created shimmering effects rubbing fish scales on their mouths, mmm. By Medieval times, lipstick was banned by the church; worn only by prostitutes, those foot soldiers of Satan.

SWAK! This foot soldier is on an eternal quest for the perfect pout; aren’t we all? What’s your favorite lipstick?