Saturday, June 26, 2010

Vitamin B

This is a test, only a test...A double-blind study, even, since my quest is two-fold: 1. To see if my husband ever notices I just got a snootful of Botox, and 2. If he doesn't, is that a good thing?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Flirt Alert

I think a guy at the gym was flirting with me today. Don't get me wrong, as those occurrences become rarer and rarer, I should be thankful. But this morning, as my limber Lothario strutted his stuff a mere two feet in front of my face, prancing around like some bird fanning his feathers before busting into full on splits (euw...) I have to admit, I wasn't flattered. I squeezed my eyes shut and pretended to work really hard on my abs, before heading out of the gym. As I was leaving, I saw suburban-version Jason Statham, bench pressing like 700 pounds. I slowed my pace, pulled out my ponytail, shook my head and stuck my butt out as I took a sip of water. He ignored me, as usual.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

iGive Up...

She's really skinny, a little bitty thing. She speaks god knows how many languages. Nobody knows more sports trivia. She gives vision to his nonstop inane meandering thoughts. If she had opposable thumbs our relationship would be officially doomed. I'm sure there's an app for that, too. I hope they'll be very happy together.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Girl Who Ate Too Many Potato Chips...

...while devouring The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Nama--Say What?

At yoga the other day a woman unfurled her mat next to mine to set up happy camp. I squeezed out a peek and saw that there was a little piece of plastic on her mat. "Now what is she going to do with that?" I couldn't help but wonder. I didn't have long to wait--she flicked it, her thumb and middle finger sending it on its journey--toward me! It landed a few inches shy of my mat as I tried to focus on my breathing.

Like a tender hair trapped in the wing of a panty liner, I couldn't think about anything else except that junky piece o' plastic invading my force field. I exhorted myself to knock if off already and inhaled so deeply I'm surprised I just didn't snort up the damn thing and be done with it. Namaste!