Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Search for Marian Keyes Continues...

My children are hungry. There's a load of whites with my name on it. I can't stop googling. One step closer to Marian Keyes.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Wee Won't!

I know I'm hopped up on Sudafed and all, but what in the world am I doing even considering buying this craft book, Wee Wonderfuls, 24 Dolls to Sew and Love? What the? No wonder the pharmacist takes my driver's license, thumbprints and dna swab from my cheek. I cannot be trusted. Just because that little mermaid with the fuchsia burgundy hair is sporting POLKA DOTS on her scales, (I really wish I didn't love POLKA DOTS as much as I do) doesn't mean I would ever "sew and love" her.  She's splashing her cute lil' tail over her adorable friend's toothpick legs. See? That aqua/turquoise-striped puff of a doll that I must make my own. Dear God, when do these pills wear off?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Nips For Guys

It should actually be Tips for Guys but I thought "Nips" would get more attention. I can't believe this has to be spelled out, but say there happens to be a jar of cheesy salsa con queso in the refrigerator. Say you hadn't noticed it before and when you open it, you are startled at how much is gone. What is the proper response?

B. Silently screw the lid back on (which can be tricky due to the cheese ooze at the rim, but make sure you do it right) and walk away.

You can think answer A. all you want, but woe be unto the guy who is stoopid enough to say it out loud. (Just ask my husband.)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Stalking Marian Keyes...

She’s a Virgo, I’m a Virgo. She’s a successful internationally recognized goddess of an author, and I...well, I’ve read everything she’s ever written. I expect we would be best friends. She even looks amazingly like my younger sister, Ma... OK, my sister’s name isn’t Marian, it’s MaryBeth, but we call her Beezer, which has the exact same number of letters Marian’s name does. Coincidence? (I sometimes even call my sister an eejit!)

Her most excellent Ms. Keyes is from Ireland...I love the color green. From her first book, Watermelon, (my seventh favorite fruit) to Sushi For Beginners (I’m only up to California rolls myself!) to Anybody Out There...I have loved, read, and reread every word.

In case I am ever fortunate enough to meet her, (I will be the one wearing my skinny jeans that look brand new on account I don’t get to wear them that often, with a fancy top that covers all the right places. I think a dress would be too-too), I’m even practicing what I would say. I have been working on “Top of the morning” as an icebreaker. I am such a gobshite.

Dear Marian, Please friend me!!

Photos: Marian Keyes...                              ...and her doppelganger, my sister, Beezer!  

Dee DeTarsio is a television writer living in southern California. She’s the author of four novels, including the newly released,  The Scent of Jade  a romantic adventure set in Costa Rica. She’s the mother-slash-indentured servant of two children and is working on the screenplay for The Scent of Jade, as well as her next novel, Ros.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Hey, You Awake?

"Hey, You Awake?" Three little words guaranteed to keep me that way. Efforts to hone the perfect husband have failed; he obviously slept through the pillow-talk lecture. My nightly ritual for serenity and slumber includes good thoughts, well-wishes, spritzes of lavender linen spray, and if there's a bonus round of 'oops where did my panties go?' so much the better. The Man-O-My-Dreams, however, escalates the trauma and stress of his day until he erupts (one second before I hit REM) with OUTLANDISH proclamations: "We need to move to Idaho and become farmers."

Pretending I have a crop of potatoes already growing in my ears does not work. While I yearn for meaningful talks about his hopes and dreams, he needs a hard reset of his yak button.

What's your nightly ritual?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

#16 Amazon UK--Romantic Suspense

Sig Alert

 I don't chew gum (because I complain about public, smacking gum-chewers who search and destroy that tiny little air pocket of POW!, and that would be hypocritical of me, wouldn't it?). I tried to think if I was even the littlest bit annoying, and have to say that I am not. I only hum. Humming is harmless and fun, and who would ever call someone out for humming? Hmm hmm hmm...and deeper, hum hum...See, not irritating at all.

I hum when I write.

I hum when I clean up after the cat. It seems to help keep my own throat from opening up and sharing.

I even hummed during my sigmoidoscopy and lest you think I share too much, the doctor told me, and I quote, "keep on doing what you're doing." Hmm hmm hmmm. So there.